As a YouTube creator, I am no stranger to the horrible trolls who have targeted me, even called a fake SWAT on me that could have had ended tragically and left me with PTSD.

When I lost my oldest son unexpectedly on May 6th of this year, it did not take long for the ugliest of trolls to attack. They are narcissistic individuals without empathy. They made jokes about my son and about my grief.

Nothing was off limits for them. Even though attacking vulnerable individuals and bullying is against YouTube’s Terms of Service, they continued their disgusting attacks relentlessly. Those that participated on panels and in the live chats were no better. They obviously agreed with what was going on because they took no stand against it. You know what they say about birds that flock together.

It seems my channel name gets them good views and they watch me obsessively, to the point of reiterating every detail, and then insanely saying they don’t watch. Their words come from a place of intense jealousy and reflect everything that is wrong with them. They talk about me being boring, monotone, ugly, abusive, money-hungry, a sociopath and other profanities. These are all adjectives that describe them to a T. They say I have no sense of humor and then try and copy the exact gags and fun stuff we do.

Their jealousy stems from the fact that we have the best community on YouTube, filled with the most loving and caring people around. The Rambler community has held me up and loved me during the darkest hours of my life. We even created a grief group and a grief panel to help and support others.

Grief, especially grief from losing a child does not have a formula. Everyone experiences it differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of your child. Yet, these so called experts, including those that don’t even have children, want to tell me how to grieve.

One particularly elderly woman who labels herself a widow, went on a disgusting rant about me. I had never even heard of this woman when a video she made showed up in my YouTube feed because she used my channel name in her title.

This woman described herself as she was supposedly talking about me, saying I was boring, monotone, unattractive, had no sense of humor, dry lips and a Donald Trump mouth. She said I had crooked teeth (better call my orthodontist) and that they made my mouth hang wrong. She said that she could just see I had terrible breath. Everything she said described her. That is how it is with narcissists, they take everything that is wrong with them and project it onto others.

Beyond that, she wanted to tell everyone that I never cared about my son. She said I should be curled up in a ball in the corner of my room. She said she never saw me shed a tear, that when I cried there were no tears. She said that I did not love my kids, never hugged them and was abusive to them and my husband.

She compared her grief from losing her husbands to my grief from losing my son. She has no right to assume the grief is anywhere near the same, because it is not. Losing a child is unnatural, and that is why their is no name unlike the name of widow or widower for a person who loses a spouse.

Don’t you dare judge me in my grief out of your dripping jealousy. How can you call me money-hungry when I have never asked for a dime from our community? Her and her other trolling friends seem to know every detail of my life, mention I have 2 homes etc. They are dripping with jealousy, as they are the ones who are the so called ebeggers. They use my name and the channel name to get views and it is obvious. How sad, they cannot get views on their own content.

So for all you despicable trolls, leave me alone, don’t talk about my children, don’t talk about my life, leave me alone. Most especially don’t talk about my grief, because you don’t know anything about it.

All you see is what I choose to show you and nothing else. You and I have never met in person, I have never spoken to you on the phone or through email. You know nothing about me or what I am going through.

It is my hope that shining a light on this detrimental behavior will capture the attention of the people who can help me reach YouTube and hold them accountable to their TOS.

Behavior like this can cause vulnerable individuals to do something tragic to themselves. It is sick and twisted and against the law (cyber bullying, cyber stalking, harassment) as well as against YouTube’s own TOS.

Leave us all alone with your ignorant rants. I know you are sick of looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing all of your flaws. You feel better when you go on rants and project all your own insecurities and flaws onto others.

The reason you are not successful and need to put other creators in the title of your videos is because you attract everything you put out there. The only people who want to be with you are people who share that darkness and hate in their souls.

In closing, I want to thank the Mommy Ramblings Community for their continued support of me and my family. We have truly grown over the years and have become a loving family of our own.

I do not know how I would have survived if it had not been for the love and support from all of you. We genuinely care and love each other, and that is the biggest thing these individuals are jealous of. They don’t have it, because they don’t know how to give true love and support to others. They try to pretend they love and care about people,  but it is phony. They are narcissists, sociopaths and even psychopaths who love only themselves and have no empathy for others.

In closing, I will say it again to these heartless bullies, LEAVE ME AND OUR COMMUNITY ALONE!!!