By Clark Rich and Leah Dee Burbidge<\/strong><\/p>\nFourteen years in the family blender has brought us a nearly non-stop series of insights, challenges, shocks, joy and the satisfaction of creating something beautiful nearly from scratch. Six of our most valuable, but frequently unspoken, learnings are listed below.<\/p>\n
Keep in mind that a lot of the challenges of blended family life will sound familiar. But they play out with different dynamics because blended families and individuals have perspective, experience and insight that gives them a fragile mix of volatility, skepticism and wisdom. Respecting these dynamics dramatically increases the probability of success. Ignoring them nearly always spirals the family into soul crushing train wrecks.<\/p>\n
Nobody Talks About It.<\/u><\/strong> Our dating and marriage experience revealed shockingly little available blended family \u2018How To\u2019 guidance. Pop culture, literature, movies and media produced a wasteland of mostly useless stereotypes. Family and friends seemed uncomfortable discussing the reality we faced. The elephant was in the room, but the conversation always tended to migrate toward the reasons people find themselves suddenly single. Divorce, death and abandonment are uncomfortable topics. We found taking the lead in turning the conversation toward positive aspects allowed more constructive interactions.<\/p>\nFirst Steps Determine Results.<\/u><\/strong> Success in the family blender is most often determined by how a couple structures their personal relationship and their interaction with the children from the beginning. Casual, careless, loosely committed and primarily physically driven relationships almost never have sufficient strength to withstand the blender. Children won\u2019t buy-in if they think it\u2019s going to lead to another let-down. Blended family life requires an undeniably higher standard and level of commitment. Children get this, parent must also.<\/p>\nBlended Families Done Right Save Souls.<\/u><\/strong> We have devoted an entire chapter in our book to the statistical benefits for children by being part of a two-parent family (blended or otherwise). There is no question that such children have dramatically better chances of building a healthy foundation enabling them to be successful in life. Lower rates of poverty, drug abuse, problems with the law or in school, unemployment, depression and general acting out behaviors are well researched. That is not to say there aren\u2019t successful single parents, but it pays to play the odds where you can.<\/p>\nStart Where Your Child Is.<\/u><\/strong> Parents cannot start with a child where they are supposed to be or where you think they are but ARE NOT. This dooms your efforts to unrealistic expectations, falling short and builds a culture of regular failure and disappointment. Parents must \u2018listen to understand\u2019 and patiently respect what they learn. You will come to appreciate where they believe they are in life and in the family. Once you know where they are then every step is automatically a success because it is a re-enforcing step forward.<\/p>\nThe Bio-Compass.<\/u><\/strong> There is an especially deep and natural relationship that exists between the bio-parent and their child. This is okay. The non-bio parent will, over time, be allowed to earn their way into that space. However, there will be moments when only the bio-parent can address the child\u2019s needs, trauma or struggle. The non-bio parent must patiently step back, but remain in the picture and supportive, and allow their spouse to take the lead. This is why prideful or selfish attitudes struggle with blended parenthood. It absolutely demands selflessness. Respecting this relationship always wins in the long-term.<\/p>\nYou Are Not Alone.<\/u><\/strong> Because it is not a social topic of conversation does not mean it isn\u2019t common. Research illustrates that a sizable majority of Americans are touched by blended family life in one way or another. They understand you are not broken. This is especially true of single parents. Rest assured there is an individual out there with a healthy, kind outlook who can understand your complex family situation and love you and your children unconditionally. Both single and blended parents can experience happier more fulfilling lives.<\/p>\nIt Is Worth It.<\/u><\/strong> Blended family life can be rewarding, exciting and fulfilling. Seeing these tender souls, who were once so wounded, blossom with love and kindness in their own increasingly productive lives is worth every struggle, every late night, every heartfelt conversation, every tear and every prayer. Most of all know that you are good enough to be successful.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nAbout the Authors<\/strong><\/em><\/h3>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/p>\n
Clark and Leah live in the high mountain valleys of the Rockies where they enjoy their ever-expanding blended family of ten children and seven grandchildren. They enjoy travel, hiking, road and mountain biking, and serving in their community and church. Clark received a BS in Finance from the University of Utah and an MBA from the University of Southern California and spent 35 years traveling the world as a banker, investment banker and Chief Financial Officer. Leah earned an Associate Degree from Ricks College and what arguably could be considered a doctoral-level real-life education in blended families. Clark and Leah treasure their blended wild ride of 14 years together, firmly believing that any challenge is manageable when you have someone you love to walk beside.<\/p>\n
Living in the Family Blender is Clark and Leah\u2019s first book together, but Clark has been writing for years with 9 books in different genres including Middle Reader, Teen and YA fiction, adult non-fiction and a beautiful Christmas\/Easter Family read together storybook.<\/p>\n
2019 Mom\u2019s Choice Awards Gold Medal Winner<\/em><\/strong><\/h3>\nBlended family issues impact the vast majority of Americans. Yet, society often sidesteps the topic, while literature leaves a bleak landscape nearly void of practical advice from those who have lived in the trenches. With over 68 combined years of direct blended family experience, including 14 years with their own family of 10children, authors Clark and Leah Burbidge are uniquely qualified to fill this void. Their combined autobiographical\/how-to guidebook weaves a humorous, tender, uplifting, and critically insightful fabric of 10foundational principles upon which any family may confidently build. Every blended family can have happier, more fulfilling lives where disruption, disorientation, and contention are replaced by teamwork, progress, and overcoming-oriented achievement. Living in the Family Blender also provides practical guidance upon which any family may build better relationships and a life filled with joy and purpose. Join them on their personal journey and discover glorious possibilities in your own family.<\/p>\n
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