Tag Archives: Blended Families

7 Things No One Tells You About Blended Family Life

I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review. My words and views are 100% my own as always.

Living in the Family Blender ~ Book Review #blendedfamilyproject #MySillyLittleGang

Movies like, Yours, Mine and Ours, and shows like, The Brady Bunch  showed blended families. The Brady Bunch certainly did not focus much on the blended part of the family. Never did I see an episode with the kids being shuffled to another parent’s house. In fact, we really never learned where Carol’s first husband was. It was assumed both ex-spouses died. That certainly sanitized things for the show right? Well, blended families are becoming more the norm now, and the merging of families is certainly not sanitized as many parents and step-parents know.

If only there was a guide-book. Well, there is, Living in the Family Blender is filled with inspiration and insight. If you are struggling with this, this book can be a valuable resource to help you navigate through what could be a tumultuous journey.

 

Living in the Family Blender is a great book that tackles the stress and sticky situations blended families face. This book is filled with real-life, personal accounts that make it easy for other to relate with. Finally, find out you are not alone in what you feel and see. Learn strategies and get advice from a wonderful couple who understand the challenges you are facing. You can have harmony, well, at least some of the time.

You can purchase Living in the Family Blender: 10 Principles of a Successful Blended Family at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or your favorite major retailer.

Blended Family Insiders:

Seven Things No One Tells You About Blended Family Life

 

By Clark Rich and Leah Dee Burbidge

Fourteen years in the family blender has brought us a nearly non-stop series of insights, challenges, shocks, joy and the satisfaction of creating something beautiful nearly from scratch. Six of our most valuable, but frequently unspoken, learnings are listed below.

Keep in mind that a lot of the challenges of blended family life will sound familiar. But they play out with different dynamics because blended families and individuals have perspective, experience and insight that gives them a fragile mix of volatility, skepticism and wisdom. Respecting these dynamics dramatically increases the probability of success. Ignoring them nearly always spirals the family into soul crushing train wrecks.

Nobody Talks About It. Our dating and marriage experience revealed shockingly little available blended family ‘How To’ guidance. Pop culture, literature, movies and media produced a wasteland of mostly useless stereotypes. Family and friends seemed uncomfortable discussing the reality we faced. The elephant was in the room, but the conversation always tended to migrate toward the reasons people find themselves suddenly single. Divorce, death and abandonment are uncomfortable topics. We found taking the lead in turning the conversation toward positive aspects allowed more constructive interactions.

First Steps Determine Results. Success in the family blender is most often determined by how a couple structures their personal relationship and their interaction with the children from the beginning. Casual, careless, loosely committed and primarily physically driven relationships almost never have sufficient strength to withstand the blender. Children won’t buy-in if they think it’s going to lead to another let-down. Blended family life requires an undeniably higher standard and level of commitment. Children get this, parent must also.

Blended Families Done Right Save Souls. We have devoted an entire chapter in our book to the statistical benefits for children by being part of a two-parent family (blended or otherwise). There is no question that such children have dramatically better chances of building a healthy foundation enabling them to be successful in life. Lower rates of poverty, drug abuse, problems with the law or in school, unemployment, depression and general acting out behaviors are well researched. That is not to say there aren’t successful single parents, but it pays to play the odds where you can.

Start Where Your Child Is. Parents cannot start with a child where they are supposed to be or where you think they are but ARE NOT. This dooms your efforts to unrealistic expectations, falling short and builds a culture of regular failure and disappointment. Parents must ‘listen to understand’ and patiently respect what they learn. You will come to appreciate where they believe they are in life and in the family. Once you know where they are then every step is automatically a success because it is a re-enforcing step forward.

The Bio-Compass. There is an especially deep and natural relationship that exists between the bio-parent and their child. This is okay. The non-bio parent will, over time, be allowed to earn their way into that space. However, there will be moments when only the bio-parent can address the child’s needs, trauma or struggle. The non-bio parent must patiently step back, but remain in the picture and supportive, and allow their spouse to take the lead. This is why prideful or selfish attitudes struggle with blended parenthood. It absolutely demands selflessness. Respecting this relationship always wins in the long-term.

You Are Not Alone. Because it is not a social topic of conversation does not mean it isn’t common. Research illustrates that a sizable majority of Americans are touched by blended family life in one way or another. They understand you are not broken. This is especially true of single parents. Rest assured there is an individual out there with a healthy, kind outlook who can understand your complex family situation and love you and your children unconditionally. Both single and blended parents can experience happier more fulfilling lives.

It Is Worth It. Blended family life can be rewarding, exciting and fulfilling. Seeing these tender souls, who were once so wounded, blossom with love and kindness in their own increasingly productive lives is worth every struggle, every late night, every heartfelt conversation, every tear and every prayer. Most of all know that you are good enough to be successful.

Clark and Leah live in the high mountain valleys of the Rockies where they enjoy their ever-expanding blended family of ten children and seven grandchildren. They enjoy travel, hiking, road and mountain biking, and serving in their community and church. Clark received a BS in Finance from the University of Utah and an MBA from the University of Southern California and spent 35 years traveling the world as a banker, investment banker and Chief Financial Officer. Leah earned an Associate Degree from Ricks College and what arguably could be considered a doctoral-level real-life education in blended families. Clark and Leah treasure their blended wild ride of 14 years together, firmly believing that any challenge is manageable when you have someone you love to walk beside.

Living in the Family Blender is Clark and Leah’s first book together, but Clark has been writing for years with 9 books in different genres including Middle Reader, Teen and YA fiction, adult non-fiction and a beautiful Christmas/Easter Family read together storybook.

2019 Mom’s Choice Awards Gold Medal Winner

Blended family issues impact the vast majority of Americans. Yet, society often sidesteps the topic, while literature leaves a bleak landscape nearly void of practical advice from those who have lived in the trenches. With over 68 combined years of direct blended family experience, including 14 years with their own family of 10children, authors Clark and Leah Burbidge are uniquely qualified to fill this void. Their combined autobiographical/how-to guidebook weaves a humorous, tender, uplifting, and critically insightful fabric of 10foundational principles upon which any family may confidently build. Every blended family can have happier, more fulfilling lives where disruption, disorientation, and contention are replaced by teamwork, progress, and overcoming-oriented achievement. Living in the Family Blender also provides practical guidance upon which any family may build better relationships and a life filled with joy and purpose. Join them on their personal journey and discover glorious possibilities in your own family.

 

 

 

 


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